Star-crossed
by Villanelle
Summary: Another yaoi fic on Tasuki and Chichiri. I can't really describe the fic, except that its set in an alternative universe. Romantic Christmas-time setting. Read it if you wish.


  
**Disclaimers: Fushigi Yuugi, the characters and etc. are the property of the great Watase Yuu and other respective companies. This fic is for reading purposes only and no copyright infringement is meant by the author. **

Author's Notes: This fic was inspired by Miko no Da's fic "Mobius". The setting was inspired by Weiss Kreuz's song "Mellow Candle", and the theme was inspired by Ronald Baytan's poem featured in the start of this story. This fic has a sort of alternative universe setting. No spoilers, but its important for you to know about Chichiri's past in order to understand it fully. Important/stressed parts of the story are italicized to give emphasis. 

**Star-Crossed**   
_by Nights_

"This is our fate.   
You are a waterfall,    
and I, a stream;   
You will forever flow through me,   
but I shall never contain you,   
and you will never wash me away."   
**-Star-crossed, by Ronald Baytan**

Decembers in New York was cold, empty, yet endlessly clear. So clear that someone like me, who is obviously alone, cannot ignore the happy children bustling about, wishing everyone a Merry Christmas. You can't ignore the parents shopping for Christmas presents, you can't ignore the holiday chatter and crowds of people bustling about.

Yes, it is hard to be alone during Christmastime, but that is what I am. Alone. I sighed as another child brushed past me. I waved my hand away at him as he mumbled his apologies. I sighed again, burrowing deeper into my coat.

I trudged the few blocks to my apartment, and in what seemed to be the usual tirade I reached my door. One swift motion, I pulled out my keys, slid it in the keylock, and entered my apartment. 

My apartment was surprisingly large, too large, as an outsider would say, to occupy just one person. A blank, hardly furnished kitchen and living room greeted me as I switched on the lights. A side of my living room was empty.

"A space for a Christmas tree on Christmastime," the former tenant, a plump middle-aged woman, answered when I asked her what the space was for when I moved in a year ago.

I let out a sardonic laugh. What Christmas tree? I never needed one in the first place. So the space remained empty. I should have brought something for it to cover up the space, but I never found the time to do so.

Speaking of empty spaces...I paused as my eyes rested by the room right across my bedroom. An unoccupied room.

"Who will this room be for?" the woman asked as I hastily signed the papers without reading the lease.

I never answered her.

I don't know why I kept that room in the first place. Perhaps, I could put it up for rent sometime? I DO need the extra money...I grinned ruefully at the shabby furnishing of my living room. But I shook my head, I never enjoyed company anyway. 

I stared at the room again, taking in the empty corners, the dull, lifeless space. 

Empty. Lifeless. Almost like that space I kept in my heart, waiting patiently to be occupied, to be filled. 

Empty. Lifeless. Like me.

*******************

_"Chichiri!" Tasuki came barrelling out of nowhere like a loose rocket, crashing into Chichiri's arms. "DAAA!!!" Chichiri yelped as he lost his balance, Tasuki landing on top of him._

_Chichiri winced. "Itai, no da! Why-"_

_His lips were suddenly caught in a warm kiss. Tasuki held his wrists as he tried to push him off, to no avail. _

_Time passed for awhile and Tasuki finally broke the kiss. He panted, and grinned mischievously at the older man, who was trying to catch his breath. "I missed ya."_

_"I missed you too, no da," Chichiri replied. "But you could have been a bit more careful and quieter, no da. We wouldn't want anyone catching us like this, no da."_

_Tasuki rolled his eyes. "I know, I know," he grumbled. He bent his head down to gently nuzzle Chichiri's neck, making the mank gasp. "But its your loud moans and groans that will get them to catch us anyway," Tasuki teased._

_"Iie, no da!" Chichiri protested. "You shouldn't be doing these to me in public in the first place, no da!"_

_Tasuki pushed him further down the grass. "Why not?" he muttered, then grinned. "Its a whole lot more exciting this way..."_

_And Tasuki continued to make love to him in the garden, their bodies being slowly caressed by sunlight...._

*******************

  


I woke up, my mind at a whirl, my pants and bedsheets wet, my body soaked in sweat. Who is he? I asked again. I've asked myself that question countless times. 

Tasuki. Yes, after dreaming about this man, this beautiful young man who has been haunting my dreams and plaguing me since I've emerged into manhood, there are times in those dreams that I caught myself muttering his name. Tasuki. "Tasuki." I repeated to myself. "Tasuki," I whispered again. God, that hair, that body, those lips...if there was such a person who controls dreams then I wonder what I have done to offend him to be plunged in these torturous yet sweet fantasies tormented by a dream lover who I swear I have never seen before in my entire life. 

He even calls me a different name. Chichiri. I shuddered. I wonder if that name means "beloved" or "sweetheart" or "love" in a different language...stop this, Houjun, I told myself irritably. He's just a dream. Stop pushing your hopes up. Remind yourself that you are alone, and you will always be. That is your punishment, the voice inside me whispered. _Your punishment..._

I sighed irritably, and regarded the mess I made with my bedsheets. Again. Will this be my everyday fate? Will I spend the rest of my life being alone by day, only to be taken every night in a fantasy that will obviously just remain one? 

I couldn't answer the question. This question has been plaguing me since these sudden attack of dreams of making love to him has occured. Will this end? I shuddered. I don't even want to think of this ending, no, he may be just a dream but the thought of losing him...

_What do you mean "thought"? He was never yours in the first place..._

I sighed again, and collapsed into a fitful sleep.

********************

"Cya later, Houjun!" 

"Merry Christmas, Houjun!"

The door closed. I, Li Houjun, am alone in the office of the online newspaper where I work as a photographer, working overtime yet again. Most of the people at the office refused to stay this late, especially now that its Christmas time, they want to spend more time with their family. I, on the other hand, prefer the silence of work than the suffocating emptiness of the place I call home.

I stood up and walked into the darkroom, a bunch of reels in hand, when I suddenly realized, I forgot my key to the darkroom at my apartment. I surprised myself by cursing as I hurriedly left the office and ran the short distance from my office to my home.

I ignored the merry bustling of the people around me, the snow thriving on my boots as I ran. But soon I remembered that I forgot my coat, and before I knew it, I was shivering in the cold.

I cursed again. Hmm, I seem to surprise myself lately so I kept on cursing as I rubbed my hands together in a desperate attempt to keep warm, but to no avail. I cursed again and tried to push through the crowd of shoppers. I have to go home or I'll freeze to death. That was when a hand tapped me at the shoulder. I turned around, preparing myself to shrug off another person asking for donations or whatever.

Oh Gods.

Right there, right there in front of me, in the corner of 39th street, stood a fiery-haired young man, about a few inches taller than me, his lean frame clothed by a well-tailored black suit. His piercing, almond-shaped eyes were tinged by the color of amber, well-accentuated with sharp eyebrows and eyelashes. His jacket, which was probably part of the ensemble, was in his arms, which he was obviously offering to me.

He was beautiful.

**********************

  


_They lay down the garden, exhausted from nearly two hours of making love. Both unable to move from each other's embrace, they decided to talk until they regain their strength, careful to keep their voices low just in case their friends could hear them. _

_"Chichiri?"_

_"Hai, no da?"_

_"Is there any way that we could be like this forever?" Tasuki's voice was a deep rumble in his throat, his voice serious. "You know, just you in my arms, me holding you, loving each other, always, forever?"_

_Chichiri couldn't reply. He focused his attention to the warmth of his lover's embrace, burrowing closer to his chest._

_Tasuki waited for an answer, and when he didn't receive one, prodded again. "Can we?" he asked, his voice starting to shake. "Can we stay like this forever?"_

_Chichiri could sense the fear in his beloved's voice. But they know the inevitable, and Chichiri knew he must not make promises he cannot keep. But love...he thought wistfully, love is eternal. If we cannot live forever, then can our love be...?_

_He looked up to his beloved, a determined look in his face. "I cannot promise you that we will stay like this, no da," he whispered slowly, "but I can promise you one thing."_

_Tasuki held his breath, waiting for his answer. _

_"I will love you for the rest of my life," he vowed. "And should death, or any circumstances, part us..." he paused._

_He reached for him, and bent his head to Tasuki's ear so he and only he could be the one to hear the last words of his vow._

_"...I will find you somehow and tell you that I kept on loving you even through the times we were apart."_

_Somewhere, somehow, a flashing red light bathed Hokkan for a moment, then disappeared. Chichiri's promise was sealed._

***********************

  


I entered my apartment like a zombie. I switched on the lights and dropped to my bed like a robot, my need to go back to work forgotten. In a daze, I recounterered the events that happened just a few minutes ago.

_"Are ya cold? Ya need this?" the beautiful stranger's voice was deep, and I could sense an accent in his voice. His words were brash, but underneath seems to lie a gentleness that I knew was there. Somewhere._

Now I lay on my bed, my body wrapped by a black wool coat, now warm. I relished the feel of the garment to my cheek, it was huge enough to wrap my entire body. I continued to rub my cheek on the cloth, inhaling his sweet, spicy scent. 

He was Tasuki. I am sure of it. He has to be my dream lover. But how come...how can he be alive? Tasuki was a figment of my imagination. Created by my own delusionary whims and possibly a desperate attempt to fill the empty space of my heart even though only temporarily. 

How could my dream be so real? I'm alone. I deserve no one. After what happened to Kouran and Hikou...

I shut my eyes, forcing the memory away. I don't need to remember the reason why I came to New York to live alone, why I have cursed myself to be eternally lonely and bitter for the rest of my life. I don't need to remember the lives I have taken because of my anger, my jealousy, and the chances I have lost because of it. I will never receive a second chance to redeem myself. I will live the rest of my life alone, and that is what I earned. I must not wish for happiness, I must not wish for love. I destroyed the love between Hikou and Kouran, I deserve no love for myself. "I promised myself that I will never destroy love again, I will not destroy those who love for my own accord," I whispered. "I will never think only for myself." No, a bitter, envious, selfish person like myself does not deserve love, so I need not look for it.

My thoughts trailed off to the events that happened earlier again. My fingers traced the initials on the soft black wool of the stranger's coat._ K.G._ I mused sadly. So he isn't Tasuki after all. 

Maybe the voice inside me was right. Maybe I am just destined to be alone for the rest of my life.

I pressed my face on the wool. The cold snow melted and pierced the side of my cheek as I wept, my sobs a mere throbbing heartbeat in the silence.

*******************************

  


_Taitsu-kun's magic hauled Chichiri from his everyday tirade of lying on the floor and gazing into space. "Get up, Chichiri," she snapped. When Chichiri didn't answer, she used her magic again, this time forcing him up with his hair. Chichiri didn't even wince. Frustrated, Taitsu-kun floated (??) to his side. _

_"You disappoint me, Chichiri," she muttered angrily. "More so, you disgust me! I always thought you were stronger than the rest, but now here you are, killing yourself slowly when you are lucky to be alive! All for what? Just because the love of your life died?"_

_Chichiri looked up at her, the mention of his beloved caught his attention. "I can't go on anymore, Taitsu-kun," he croaked, his voice barely audible. "Suzaku has taken him from me, after all I have done! How much more....how much more suffering can I take? I can't do this anymore! I can't-"_

_"Idiot!" Taitsu-kun yelled in his ear. "Tasuki loves you! What made you think that he would enjoy seeing you like this, destroying yourself when you both went to all that trouble to preserve each other's lives through love? Think of him, Chichiri! Do you think he is happy, knowing that in the way you treat yourself it would just be a matter of time before you join him in the afterworld, dead?"_

_"I want to join him there, Taitsu-kun," he replied weakly. _

_"No, Chichiri," Taitsu-kun snapped. "You are here for a reason. He left before you for a reason. You are still alive, for a reason! Do not push that reason away!"_

_Taitsu-kun lowered her voice in his ear. "You will follow him when it is your time. You will meet him again, Chichiri. Be patient, and wait for that time. And when you follow him, make sure that you find him. When you find him, then you can be eternally happy as you wish."_

_Chichiri's voice barely left his throat. "But...what if...I don't find him..?"_

_Taitsu-kun pursed her lips, her voice determined. "If you can't find him, he will find you."_

***************************

_December 24_.

I walked alone in the now-deserted streets of Manhattan, only the beggars my companions. I watched them, curious as to how long will they actually survive. 

Life is cruel. If you cannot handle its wrath, you will die. If you can handle its wrath, but not love the way you handle it, you kill yourself. 

So which way is it for me? Life has given me my own challenges, and I have blatantly survived them. I met an accident and I survived, the lives of the two dearest persons in my life in exchange. As an offering to their sacrifice and punishment for my destruction of their love, I have vowed never to be happy for the rest of my life. I figured I would be happy in my own way if I hold on to my promise to them, but here I am, alone and endlessly lonely. 

I sighed and sat down on the park bench. I never saw the stranger again, the handsome young owner of the black wool coat. I wore the coat everyday now, hoping he would show up somewhere, sometime, and speak to me again with that sexy accent of his. 

But days passed. My nights continued to be tormented by his evening visits, and he would make love to me each night in my dreams. I was happy, being loved in my fantasies, but something inside me, something was desperately wanting to hold on to him even as morning arrives and pulls me from my slumber to show to me the real world where I live alone. 

Something inside me was telling me that I don't really want to be alone. Something inside me was insisting that I don't deserve to be lonely. 

Something inside me was asking for love. 

But am I brave enough to move on and forget the past?

I shook my head. I have to clear my mind. I got up, ready to race the blocks to my apartment and sleep. I need Tasuki to comfort me, and it is only in my dreams can I meet him.

I rounded the corner, and suddenly, there he was. 

He was sitting on a bench, looking up at the huge Christmas tree that stood in the middle of the park. The festive decorations of the tree glittered and reflected on the red of his hair, making it glow, almost like fire. His amber eyes were fastened on the tree as he stared at it wide-eyed. I smiled, amused. It must be his first time to see such a huge and well-decorated tree. He's probably new in the Manhattan area.

I stood there, worshipping his beauty from afar when a child brushed past me, and I suddenly returned to the real world. What am I doing? I thought wildly. I should be going home. _Why are you going home?_ a voice whispered evilly inside me. _To sleep so I can be with Tasuki_...my thoughts trailed as my eyes wandered back to his direction.

What am I thinking? He is right here, in front of me. His name may not be Tasuki, but there is no mistaking, the hair, the eyes, those lips, his voice...

_If you can't find him, he will find you._ That voice again. I stared again at his direction, not knowing what to do. And to my horror, Tasuki stood up from the bench, brushing the snow off his jacket.

He is leaving...NO!

"No," I whispered to no one in particular. My eyes followed him as he continued to walk away. "No," I whispered again. "Please, no..." _Don't leave me...._

I felt an almost invisible force pushing my legs to go, to step forward, to move. _Move! _I tell myself harshly. _Move, before he leaves! _

_Never will I allow love and a chance for happiness to slip through my fingers, not anymore. _

Maybe now, I could put the past behind me and learn to love again. 

I swallowed my breath, and slowly started to approach him. He was moving farther and farther away. _Leaving me..._

Suddenly, time stopped. Almost in slow motion, he turned to me.

Ah, beauty. His amber eyes fastened into mine and held me in place, and the sides of his lips curled upwards as he smiled. He crossed the distance from him to me in almost a second, and before I knew it, he was standing right in front of me.

I blushed in embarassment as he shamelessly raked his eyes on my body, as if he was memorizing every feature. Finally he spoke.

"Sorry about that," he said with a wry grin. "I feel like I know you from somewhere. You're the guy I gave my coat to. Your name's Chichiri, right?"

I almost gasped. He knows me. _He knows me..._

_If you can't find him, he will find you._

In life, people lose things they took for granted, and more than once, they would beg for another chance, a chance to make things better, a chance to change and make things count. Chances like these are rare, and I am lucky to have been given one right now._ Thank you, Suzaku._

We have lost each other before, but here we are now. _And I thought I would be damned forever to a life on loneliness..._ Snow slowly fell over our heads, and as he reached over to flick some snow that has resided in my hair, I felt it, the familiar feel of his fingers brushing my cheek after we made love in my dreams ...

Not a dream, I corrected myself. _Not anymore a dream..._

He is here. He has found me. And I will never let him go. 

I breathed slowly. "Yes," I whispered.

He smiled, showing a bit of fang. "I'm Genrou, but you can call me Tasuki," he introduced himself, extending his hand.

_Tasuki...._

As I reached for his hand to shake it, somewhere, somehow,I could have sworn I saw a flash of brilliant red light.

  


------The End--------   
  


Suggestions, comments, constructive criticism? E-mail me at nights@poetic.com


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